For the newly sober moms, social events can be treacherous territory. With a little preparation, we can be prepared for almost anything. Here are three strategies you can consider tossing into your bag to help navigate social gatherings in early recovery…
Provide for Yourself
Self-care involves preemptively thinking about the beverages that might be offered, and planning to bring your own. Several things are accomplished by bringing your own beverages: We learn to be kind and nurturing to ourselves and bring what we need. Additionally, we can select beverages we like and even bring something bubbly that looks like it contains alcohol, so as to avoid questions about our abstinence. Along those lines, it’s good to have a line that you can pull out of our back pocket to use if someone asks why you’re not drinking. This could be “I think I’m allergic to it.” Or “I have an early meeting tomorrow.” Or “I’m at home with the kids by myself tonight.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Wise is the person who makes an escape plan
As moms, we all need to pull the rip cord on the parachute and ask for help sometimes. The same principle is true for newly sober moms. Chiefly, I’ve found it was always best to drive my own car when possible. If I started to feel uncomfortable, I could always leave. When it wasn’t possible to leave, I had a support system preprogrammed into my phone where I could excuse myself and call someone to talk through my feelings. (Bonus tip: I’d warn my support system ahead of time that I was going to be attending a party so that they knew to pick up their phone if possible.)
Lastly, make positive deposits into the people at the event. Focusing on what we can bring to the event instead of what we can get out of it is a mind renewing practice. Engaging in conversations, concentrating on those around me instead of where I was going to get my next drink- those concepts were new to me in early sobriety. After time, I realized that this practice was taking my thoughts off of me, placing them on others. Organically, my self-esteem was rebuilding as I practiced a new life of interest in others and esteemable acts.
Early days in sobriety are challenging. Figuring out some coping strategies to walk through potentially difficult scenarios builds confidence. Adopting some of these habits or creating some of your own is empowering because when you have the skillset and the tools for the job, you find your way. Just like a good diaper bag, you’ll usually find that with a little pre-planning, you have all you need. Even when you feel at your least comfortable, you can get through these events and stay sober by practicing some new routines.
Before you know it, you just might realize you’re actually enjoying your sober self and your new life! And later…. You’ll find you no longer need half the stuff in that bag anymore. Suddenly, you’ll find you’re traveling light, and you’ll feel the true freedom that comes from that lighter bag.
Amy Liz Harrison is one of recoveries newest voices and author of Eternally Expecting: A Mom of Eight Gets Sober and Gives Birth to a New Life…Her Own.
